You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
