I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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