He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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