Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
being pregnant is like rehab
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
