isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
