I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
