Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
