found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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