Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
