youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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