we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
