im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The uberlube is also flammable
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
