The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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