Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
