oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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