If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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