And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
