and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
