He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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