who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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