He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
