one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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