my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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