I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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