this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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