I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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