It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
