new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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