Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
