i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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