Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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