I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
should my penis look like a turkey
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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