So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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