she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
