so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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