I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know her cup size but not her name....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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