Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
