apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
