If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
