guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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