I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
