Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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