Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
