Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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