Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
