Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
