she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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