You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
