Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
