We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
