Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
