grandma shit on top of the toilet
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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