Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
